She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
50% drunk capacity currently
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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