Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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