Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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