she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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