I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We were destined to go to rehab together
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
