You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
