just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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