dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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