like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
