I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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