That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
