I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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