Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
