Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
