Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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