bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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