I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I love you. Go after that dick
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize