yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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