and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
