the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
