sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize