I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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