how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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