how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
