I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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