You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
