He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
