brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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