Church boner. Awkwardddd
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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