doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
