sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
