i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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