he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
