he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
