Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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