im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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