Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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