Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
either way he was missing a nipple.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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