): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize