So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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