He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
