life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
