my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
