Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
