Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
