My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
