Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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