So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
