If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
