Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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