Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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