The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
