I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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