his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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