I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
