I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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