she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
