The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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