i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
