I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
