I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
