I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
third nipple confirmed
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
