No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
