Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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