I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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