Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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