Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
