he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
