you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
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