Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Jerry, you need to find god
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
