How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
