I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
