We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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