I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
