I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
