For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
