Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
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