How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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