my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
